February 7, 2012
Our little one sometimes wakes up in the night crying in pain. We rub her legs, whisper words of comfort, administer pain medication, soak in a warm bath with her. We do it to soothe her, to ease the pain, all the while knowing that this is just something that will have to run its course. Eventually, it will get better. Even though it hurts sometimes, growing will prove to be beneficial to her.
We all get them. Growing pains. Maybe not in our legs, our bones, like Aubree does. But, life is a perpetual cycle of change. People and things are purposely weaved in and out of our lives. Experiences and seasons end. Often there is discomfort and pain in the endings. But, with each end there is a new and hopeful beginning.
When things get painful for me, I tend to shut down. My instinct is to wrap a cocoon around myself to protect me from the fear and the hurt. I pray. Begging for peace. An end to the pain. I focus too much on it and not enough on where it's leading me. I grieve for what I'm losing.
It's hard to remember that I am far better off today than I have been at any point in my life thus far. I've always made forward progression. God has always been faithful in His blessings. He's been smarter than me, always knowing exactly what I need. Why do I fight Him? Surrender is hard.
It's foolish to think that until we get to Heaven, we will ever "arrive" at being all that God has called us to be. If it is my desire to serve Him wherever He chooses, then I am going to have to realize that I am going to go through change. The devil will attack me and tell me that I am not good enough. He will use other people to have me doubt myself. He will cause dissension in the very relationships that I hold most dear, especially those with other Christians.
Satan has attacked me as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend. He has beaten me down to the point where I wasn't sure if I wanted to get back up. But, God always tells me the truth. I am a beautiful soul. Flaws and all. I am lovable. I have a heart full of honorable intentions. I am a good friend. I am a good mother. I am a good wife. I am a good daughter. He desires all of these things for me. And I will live them. It doesn't mean that I won't stumble from time to time. It doesn't mean that I won't make mistakes or have room to grow. But I have been promised and I will hold on tightly to all that is mine.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2Corinthians 12:9
"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16
"Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22
"looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." Hebrews 12:2-3
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13