All For Them

October 16, 2012

On a hot summer's day, a little over two years ago, I sat down at this computer and composed my very first blog entry. I was slightly nervous and excited! Even without any followers, my audience was very clear. This blog was birthed with the sole purpose of leaving a gift of myself for my children. I wanted them to have a clear insight to my heart and mind as I lived out my life's ambition of raising them. 

Many of you know that raising kids is not for sissies! It's tough. It will wear you down and beat you up like little else can. I just always want my kids to know, that though I may not have parented perfectly- my love for them is as pure and true as humanly possible. I want to leave a legacy that assures them that these difficult years- for them and me- were not taken lightly. I've given much thought and heart to raising and disciplining them. I have second-guessed myself more often than I care to admit. And I've beaten myself up when I've failed. But I have never, not for one second, loved them less, nor have I quit trying to become a better parent.

I know that many people read my blog. Several of you have told me that different posts have touched you, or helped you. It makes me feel good to hear just how many people look forward to the next post. (If you compare the number of "Followers" I have with most blogs out there, you wouldn't think that anyone reads my blog.) But, there are countless "lurkers" out there that have been blessed, even if only by one blog entry over the course of the past two years. That has been an added bonus that I am grateful for. {If you're not a "follower" and would like to become one, just simply click the button on the top of the right side bar.}

It's very easy to get thrown off course and allow my writing to be filtered for the "audience" that was never intended to be the main purpose of this blog in the first place. I have on several occasions, deleted a blog before it was published because of how it would be received by people other than my children. I have also been tempted to share things that do not pertain to or affect my children. And some of those things are okay- I want my kids to look back on these writings and be able to remember ME and my life. I want them to know that sometimes life gets messy, but hopefully, I can be an example of how to muddle through with dignity and morals and love- by the Grace of God. I am creating a photo album of sorts with words and stories from my heart. I want to paint mental pictures for them- hopefully ones where I am not having a bad hair day. One day, all they will have are things like this that they can hold on to. Hopefully, their great-grandchildren will be able to get to know me and love me through these blog entries even though they may never meet me in person.

What do I want them to walk away knowing for sure?
~Well, first and foremost, I love my kids. I wish there were a different word that I could use instead of love. It just doesn't seem to do justice to the feelings I have for them.
 ~I also like my children very much. Though I do not like when they fight with each other, or are disrespectful to others (including me). I want them to know that it is possible to hate the sin and not the sinner. I hope that I have ingrained  these words into their souls- "I will always love you more. I will never love you less. There is nothing that you could ever do that would make me stop loving you.
~I want them to know that their mother was in love with God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! 
~I want them to know that giving of yourself feels better any day than taking from others.
~I want them to know from my example that we will all make mistakes. Being a Christian never means that you are perfect, or sinless. It just simply means that you are forgiven! It means that your tree will bear a special kind of fruit, different from the trees of the world. 
~I want them to know that God can and will rescue you from the pain of disappointment and hurt and loss and He will carry you to a better place than before.
~I want them to know what it looks like to live a life trusting in God for all things. 

They love for me to name the things about them that makes them special. And over the years the list of those things have changed, but my feelings of amazement & awe at just how favored I am for God to have chosen to share each of them with me have grown and multiplied.

Karli is more responsible than any other kid her age that I know. And she has always been that way. I have always been able to trust her. She is stubborn and smart. She is shy and loyal. She is a beautiful soul packaged within a beautiful body. Her strengths far outweigh her weaknesses and she is more than she believes she is. 

Drake is tenderhearted. He can be quite the thunderstorm of emotion, from one end of the spectrum to the other. He is strong willed, and he is smart enough to use it to his advantage when he so chooses. He has an impressive vocabulary for an adult, much less a kid his age. When he is interested in something, he will submerge himself in it and drown his brain learning all there is to learn. He is passionate. 

Brant is a lot like his daddy. He is a social butterfly of sorts. He is extremely compassionate for all others, human and animal. His heart is something more people should strive to have. This world would be a much better place. He is thoughtful, a hard worker, and like his brother and sisters, is a gorgeous kid!

Aubree is our baby. She's funny and smart. She can apply make-up better than some women I know. Like Drake did when he was little, she's been teaching herself to read and solve addition problems. She's never met a stranger, and I see so much of me in her. I love to watch her "mother" her babies. It's a riot to hear her role play with her toys using different voices for each one. I can't wait to see what she does with her life, but she has the potential to go far in the entertainment or fashion industry.  (If you've ever met her, even once, you know exactly what I'm talking about.)

Maybe I have inspired you to begin to create a legacy, a record for your children. Whether it be a scrapbook, diary, or a blog. With the technology of today, the options are almost endless.  Life can move along at such a fast pace sometimes that we can skip over some important things. I just hope we don't skip over saying things that someone desperately needed to hear. Even if you just crawl into bed for 10 minutes at night and snuggle with each child individually, if for nothing more that to stare at them and soak them in. Those will be fond memories one day when memories are all they have.

"Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children-" Deuteronomy 4:9


Anonymous said...

So beautiful! This was a very touching post and it brought tears to my eyes.
You are a great mother!!

Dana Dawn Calverette said...

Thank you so much Jenny!