I wish that every day I could sit down {in a quiet house} with a huge cup of yummy delicious coffee {that part is real, well, except for the quiet part} and write a blog post about how perfect everything is. I would tell you that our bank account is so full that I am forced to go shopping. I would tell you that on said shopping trip I found the most adorable clothes for my kids {that they all love because we share the same sense of style} and I got all these clothes for a steal of a deal! But, there was still so much money in my bank account that I had to look for clothes for me and the hubs, too! Which, yep- you guessed it! I got for a steal of a deal AND {here's the real bonus} they all make me look smoking hot! Oh, and while I was out shopping for clothes and getting great bargains, I stumbled upon the most gorgeous collection of fall inspired nail polish- wait for it- ON SALE! I would tell you how my Mommy-van {which gets excellent gas mileage} pulled into the parking lot of a home decor shop and once inside I realized that the whole store was on
I would be able to tell you that on the days I am not out scoring deals on clothes and fun stuff, I am home schooling my four awesome children {okay, the four part is real, and so is the awesome part}. I would be able to tell you that I never have to remind them {after 8, 10, & 12 years} to brush their teeth EVERY day, their rooms are always clean, they never fight or argue with one another, they don't make messes when they eat, and they never procrastinate where school is concerned! I would tell you that my laundry automatically washes, drys, folds, and puts itself away while I am schooling the crew. I would not forget to mention that I have exclusive access to a little fairy who discreetly comes into my home several times a day to sweep and mop my floors. I would be able to tell you that my kids ease through their school lessons, and when they do need help, I completely understand the lesson and I'm able to explain it to them without having to teach myself the lesson first {and I'd always get it and we'd never have to wing it} before effectively explaining it to them. I would tell you that they've all memorized their math facts and they are natural born spellers. I would tell you that I've never been at the end of my rope and threatened to send any one of them back to public school via the big yellow bus that passes in front of my house at 6:15am. I would tell you that I am super confident in my parenting abilities, I never make mistakes, and my cooking is divine. I would also be able to admit that I am an awesome friend who never says the wrong thing, I am always respectful to my parents, I never let my emotions get the better of me, I know a lot about the Bible, I never sin, and I am well qualified for the Best Wife Ever award.
But, that's not my reality. I forget to pray sometimes. I lose my patience with my kids more than I'd ever like to admit. My husband and friends have had legitimate complaints about me over time. My momma should have washed my mouth out with soap more than once. I've wasted years NOT learning more from my Bible. As hard as I try to fake it, I have no clue how to do this parenting thing well. I often say the dumbest things. I have the roughest bark that I absolutely hate. I would like to give more. And as for housework, well, I do the best I can. Sometimes it's not enough and sometimes it's too much of a priority. Oh, and my gas light is always on in my Mommy-van. {I wish that weren't so close to the truth as it is.}
So. What does all of this mean? Am I just some unhappy ogre? {Dear God, please don't let anyone ever desire to use the term ogre to describe me. Amen.} Doomed to a life of Less Than or Just Not Enough? Nope. Not at all. When I sit down to my computer each day, I am grateful if nothing else. I realize that, yes, there are some things that I don't have. But the things that I do have are of far greater importance and relevance. First and foremost, I have the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I've booked my reservations, I've got the confirmation number, and my eternity has been paid in full. Thank you, Jesus! And I have such a wonderful family. My husband loves me. He really loves me. I didn't always know that I was worthy of being loved and for a long time I wasn't sure anyone would ever love me. But he did, even before I learned how to love myself. And from that love four beautiful, smart, interesting, loving, and amazing kids were born. I've never done anything to deserve them. Really. No one can ever tell me that they're not awesome because if you try, I will fight you to the death of one of us. I've also come into a circle of a few really good friends. Now, again, I didn't always have good friends. Actually, I've had some pretty crummy friends in my time. It took me a very {VERY} long time to be able to trust anyone in the friendship department. And I still have my reservations, but not with these girls. And even though we don't always agree, or we say some not so nice things to one another on occasion, we love each other and we do it well. And then there are all the temporary things that bless me, like safety, bills paid every month, food to eat, reliable Mommy-van, yummy candles, decent clothes {thank you GoodWill}, a nice home where my favorite people on earth lay their heads at night.
It means I am human. It means that despite all that I don't have, I will never forget what I do have. It means that even though I give it my all, sometimes I fall short. It means that if I am going to be happy I must realize who I am in Christ and forget about the world's standards.
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