December 27, 2010
For those of you who might be wondering- no I haven't died. I'm still here. It's been a busy month and I decided that for my sanity and my kids' safety (lol, just kidding, sort of) I would "take vacation time" for the month of December. I am going to try to ease us back into "real life" so that it's not such a shock to the "system".
CHRISTmas was fun. It was full of family and friends and new babies and entirely too much food! I really need to start a diet TODAY!
I have missed blogging. The break was refreshing and nice, but, this blog is sort of a therapy for me, where I can write down and organize my thoughts. It helps to bring enlightenment to me and helps me to keep myself accountable and, hopefully, humble.
I can, from time to time, let my pride hold me back from "doing the right thing". My pride will often cause me to be stubborn just to "prove a point". (I know, you're shocked! It's okay.) Not only is this sinful, but it can hurt innocent people by association. There have been times, recently as a matter of fact, that someone has offered help to me from their heart of hearts with pure sincerity and generosity and I struggled very hard to let them help me because of my pride. Because I wanted to prove that I didn't need their help. Because I did not want to be in debt to this person at all. (Not that there were any strings attached to the offer by the giver, but, my pride does not want to back down!) Then, God had a little "Tete a tete" with me. (For those of you who don't speak French, it translates "head to head" but is used the same as "heart to heart".)
First of all, I did need help! I was in a position in my life where I could not have made it through easily without help from my family and friends. It was a very humbling experience in that sense. It's hard for me to admit weakness or vulnerability. It's hard for me to allow myself to need others. I can't help but feel like it puts me in a position where the "helper" has some invisible "token" that they can hold over my head to collect on later on where I will feel helpless and inferior. (Explanation: I spent a great deal of my childhood in a position where I was ABSOLUTELY helpless. That experience instilled in me a powerful determination to never be in that position ever again! It was by no fault of my own. It was just the result of terribly horrendous circumstances that I had no control over.)
Moving on. We've established that my nature is to be self-sufficient and stubborn. But, that's not how God wants us to live. If He wanted us to not need anyone else, He would have created Adam. The End. But, He desired more. He wanted all of us not only to be blessed, but he wanted us to be blessings! There is so much beauty in each one of those things. Different feelings. Different experiences. But, pure beauty in both! Isn't it wonderful when you get blessed? Out of the blue, someone shows up with something special for you that was unsolicited? Something that was needed, but not asked for. Something that translates as pure love. I know that each one of us can recall at least one time in our lives that we were completely BLESSED! That moment stays with you and is special. Have you ever been the one giving the blessing? Have you had the experience of touching someone's life in such a way that will be remembered to their dying day? That my friend, is more priceless than anything! Making a difference for someone else. Being something positive and loving in a world of pain and despair. There is nothing like it. I would always want to be the one giving the car, rather than the one getting the car! (Why do you think Oprah does it so much? LOL)
Sometimes, I just have to remember to put my SELF aside and not stand in the way of someone else's blessing. If I prevent others from doing things for me because I'm too stubborn or prideful, then I am doing far more than just being sinful. I am robbing that person of great joy. I am standing in the way of them getting blessed in the best way. I must try to remember that I would not want to be denied, so I must not do it to others. No matter how hard it might be for me. God uses us in each others lives for many different goals, ultimately helping each other get to Heaven.
"I will cause you to become the father of a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and I will make you a blessing to others." Genesis 12:2
"I will cause my people and their homes around my holy hill to be a blessing. And I will send showers, showers of blessings, which will come just when they are needed." Ezekiel 34:26