Teacher, Preacher? Maid, Nurse?

January 30, 2012

Who am I? I thought I had figured that out a long time ago. And to some degree I have. But, I find myself explaining myself way too much when people ask me where I work. It's like I don't want them to think that I'm not smart enough or that I'm too lazy to go out into the world and keep a job. So, I always seem to give my resume. Like I have to explain to them that staying home and raising my children is my choice! It's not the default.

I take my job as a mom very seriously. I'm always looking for opportunities to grow as a mother. Recently I've been thinking a lot about what I'm supposed to be doing in my job as a parent. It's so much more than sitting around and watching raunchy soap operas all day long {which I don't do} in my pajamas {which I might do}.

I am charged with more than the housework, which is a big deal and a large part of the job.

I also have to keep my kids fed and healthy, safe and happy.

I have also taken on the responsibility of being their teacher. Not only do I have to teach them their ABC's & 123's, I have to teach them all about everything. From how to treat others, how to be responsible, how to manage your money, how to cook, how to forgive, to how to play and love. It's my job to instill a healthy dose of fear into my kids in a moment and then spend the rest of my life trying to undo what I thought was such a good idea in the first place {see this post}.

Sometimes it becomes easy to get complacent and lose focus. Sometimes, I let precious opportunities for learning slip through my fingers. I tend to forget that even though the days are long, the years are short.

I find that complacency is most evident in the area of teaching them all about God. Sure, we talk about God a lot. We work on applying His Word in our lives. We talk about prayer. We faithfully attend church. But I feel like I need to be doing more. So I am going to begin a short Bible study each morning. We'll go over a scripture and talk about it briefly. I'm sure my new plan will be met with whining and resistance, but it will be the perfect opportunity to introduce my very first mini-Bible-study:

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain." Philippians 2:14-16

How Big Foot Ruined My Life

January 26, 2012

It was a dark and stormy night. Not fit for man nor beast. When suddenly.... this Momma had a hair brained idea! You see, she got the crazy notion that if she told her 4 year old daughter, who just so happened to be fascinated with the tv show "Finding Bigfoot", that big foot was in the woods behind the camp and he liked to eat little girls who whined, it would transform her whiny toddler into a properly behaved little girl.

Can you say "BACKFIRE!!" What have I done? My little girl, who was once the bravest child in my house, now won't even play in her room alone. She's always played in her room alone. It's how I am able to home school my kids! It's how I function. It's how I manage to brush my teeth and sweep my floors and do my laundry!

You'd think that I would have learned my lesson about scaring my children into behaving. I have three kids older than her and the two boys are paralyzed by the dark. They sleep with the big light on in their room EVERY night! And if I sneak in after they've fallen asleep and turn it off, when I wake up in the morning, it's back ON!

I had to give her a can of "Monster Spray" {aka air freshener} to convince her that she could go to the bathroom by herself. I've been trying for weeks to do damage control by drilling into her mind that "Our home is a safe place to be. It is not dangerous. Big Foot does not exist. He is a myth. Nothing scary lives here. God is here, not Big Foot. God will protect us always." She can recite back  to me the whole spiel. But, somehow, she's having a hard time buying it.

The Lesson? It's way harder to earn trust back after it's been lost. So, don't lose people's trust. Amen.

I'm trusting that God will remove this fear from her real soon!

Toilet Paper

January 25, 2012

Today I'm sharing  a post from one of the blog's that I enjoy so much. I hope you'll check it out here.

I Am Free to Be Me!

January 23, 2012

I've been reminded lately of how I've felt judged most of my life. When I was very little, family members would often imply that I was the "wild one" of the family. I was sassy and outspoken. I had a voice. I had thoughts and opinions. Maybe they didn't match up with what made my family comfortable. I was searching for myself. Trying to figure out what made me special.

As I got older, the judgement continued. I was old enough to separate from my family and venture out on my own, but I still felt terribly judged. I would sit in church and look around and see people just like me. I knew how they lived their lives because I'd seen them outside of the church pew. I heard them talk. I saw what they did. But, on Sundays, man they were different. And I wondered... if you have to be someone else on Sunday than you are on Monday through Saturday what's going on?

I was confused. I felt afraid and ashamed. Yes, part of it was the conviction of the Holy Spirit. But, a big part of it was judgement by my peers. Family and friends who were sinners, just like me. I felt like I could not move without being a failure. I felt condemned by people who were also imperfect. I loved Jesus. I wanted to serve Him. I had accepted Him as my Savior. But, something held me back.

No matter what I did or didn't do seemed to fill me with fear and guilt. I was convinced that I would never be good enough. I couldn't be a Christ follower. I would never measure up. I thought that being a good Christian was impossible for me. I cannot even begin to describe the weight of the affliction from other people's sinner's
opinions about me.

Becoming a parent made me realize that if I could feel this much love, compassion, and forgiveness for my kids, how much more does my Heavenly Father feel for me! I muddled through as best as I could for as long as I could. But, the tugging on my heart became too much to ignore. I wanted more. I had to search for it. I had to go on a hunt for it. I wanted it. I needed it. I knew it had to be out there! I had to have been looking in all the wrong places all this time.  I was determined to find Freedom! And I did.

I've discovered God is not in religion. That's man's doing. But, God is in churches all over the world. He meets us when we gather to worship Him. He shows up at the party! I found the place where I can live in this broken world as a broken girl who needs a Savior! I am good enough despite the fact that I am not worthy. He loved me that much. He knew my shortcomings. He knew my sin. He has touched me where my imperfection glues me together. He's kissed the scrapes and bruises. And He hung on that tree. For me. Sassy and outspoken. Thoughts and opinions. Lost and searching. Broken and imperfect. Forgiven.

Do I still feel judged? Yes. From time to time. Those same people have those same opinions. Or maybe they don't. Maybe it's my perception. But, no matter the case, they don't get under my skin and into my head anymore. There is no room for them. My heart is full because of the communion I have with God.  I know that because I have a relationship with Christ~ the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit~ nothing else matters. It's not what the world thinks of me that is important. What really matters is my willingness to be obedient. When I have a conviction or a question, I look to His Word now. That's the only rule I care to follow. And I have found freedom there. So, if you're feeling the same oppression as I once did, you know you don't have to settle for that. Freedom is waiting for you, too! You just have to look for it! It's waiting.



"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36


"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32