Being a parent is hard.
I remember when I had babies & toddlers.
I
Defeated.
When I would crawl into bed at night, I would often cry because I knew that I was not going to get enough sleep and wake up still tired and have to face the trials of another day.
I envied moms with older children because their lives were "so much easier" than mine since their kids were no trouble at all anymore.
I was super secretly somewhat resentful when they agreed with me about how hard being a parent is because it was not that hard for them anymore.
I could not understand why they were feeling sorry for themselves.
They needed to be feeling sorry for me.
I actually thought that things were going to get easier {for me} as soon as my kids got older.
{I hear you laughing. You can stop now.}
The old people had a saying in Cajun French that basically translated to
little child, little troubles
big child, big troubles
It sounded all fine and good.
But, honestly, it's significance was lost on me.
Flash forward.
My kids are sleeping through the night.
I am no longer a milk factory.
Most of them can provide basic hygiene for themselves (if I remind them).
Some can prepare simple meals and many can help out with household chores.
There are certainly many areas where things have, in fact, gotten "easier".
But, I totally get that the bigger the child the bigger the troubles.
Translate- troubles = heartaches
There is nothing more painful than watching your child's heart being broken.
Decisions are not as simple as breast or bottle anymore.
Encouraging independence and experiencing independence are two totally different feelings.
I second guess my decisions as a parent all the time.
This is so hard!
Nobody told me it was going to become more difficult.
At least, if they did, I didn't listen.
How do you know what the right thing to do is in the long run?
How is this (whatever this may be today) going to affect them later?
Am I hurting more than I am helping?
Will (s)he still want to spend time with me when (s)he doesn't have to?
I'll be the first to admit that Freddie and I make some decisions for our children that are not considered popular in today's society.
But is that a bad thing?
My heart and everything I believe in
But I tell you, sometimes, it hurts. BAD.
And sometimes, it's a very scary place to live.
I worry.
I know I shouldn't.
I can't help it.
I'm human and I make mistakes.
Even though I believe what God says. All of it.
I still sometimes worry that I've made a mess too big for Him to clean up.
Crazy. I know.
And then.
I look at my children.
The same ones who just had a crazy mad MMA brawl in the back yard yesterday that left the baby in tears for the better part of half an hour.
I see them instantly turn to God in prayer over the slightest hint of trouble.
And there are the scripture verses that they've posted in their private places as reminders & encouragement.
It's boundaries that they've created for themselves that their conscience won't let them cross.
Yes. It's hard being a parent.
I second guess my imperfect, flawed self more often than I care to admit to.
But I will rely on the Grace of my Father to protect us, hold us, and keep us.
I will practice FAITH in His perfect love for not only me, but my kids, too!
We will continue to follow wherever He leads us.
Even if it's in the opposite direction of everyone else.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and keep you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
No comments:
Post a Comment