I Can See Clearly Now the "Wall" is Gone....

September 8, 2010

"He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly." 1Peter 2:23

I have been freed, as you might know if you read my previous blog. It has everything to do with forgiveness. How fitting it was when I opened my daily devotional today to discover the subject was just this very topic! (Okay, God. I get it.) If you will indulge me, I will elaborate on the topic. (Forgive me for not doing so in "Free at Last!!!!", but I was extremely tired, it was very late, and I had a short night and very early and long day ahead of me. Amen.)

Sometimes, were are overtly hurt or betrayed by people. We have been taught to forgive. No, we have been commanded to forgive. "Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No!' Jesus replied, 'seventy times seven!'" Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness can be defined: to pardon or acquit of sins; acquittal; new lease on life.  Let's pay special attention to the new lease on life part. What do you think that implies? I can tell you exactly what it is saying from firsthand experience. It means that when you no longer hold anger and bitterness for "sins" committed against you by someone else by forgiving them, you are giving yourself a new lease on life. You are opening your heart and mind up to release things that have been causing you pain, worry, fear, anger. You are making room for healing, peace, love, happiness. You are making room and removing obstacles to go places where you could not drag the burden of grievances left unforgiven. People often hold on to others' transgressions against them because they are afraid by forgiving the offender, they are saying "What you did was okay." I am here to tell you that is not the case at all. When you forgive someone, you are simply "leaving it in the hands of God, who always judges fairly".

I have said that we are to forgive when we are overtly hurt by others, but, how about when the offense is covert, or when the "offender" is even unaware of his crime? This had been the case with me for YEARS!!!!!! I had been holding on to something that I felt was done to me that I did not deserve. I know in my head that the perpetrator was completely unaware of his failing. It was a flaw in this person that I held them accountable for because I wanted them to be different that what they are. I wanted to be offered something other than what he was willing or able to give. I felt as though my relationship with this person was being held back, or blocked, by a brick wall. I had the impression that the brick wall was built by the malefactor. I let hurt and fear build up in my life and affect some of my other relationships, really important relationships. I also felt sad that my connection with the "wall builder" would never go to a place where I had hoped it could be.

It finally got to the point where I knew that I wanted to be released from the prison I had been held captive in for so long. I wanted it mostly because of the way it had begun to invade other areas of my life. I hit my knees, I did a lot of soul searching, I was loved, encouraged, and prayed for by the best friend anyone could ever hope to have and when I finally decided to forgive these "invisible" sins, God met me exactly where I was to tell me that I, too, had been released.

And you know what I discovered? I found out that I was the one who built the wall, no one else helped. It was all me. But, God helped me to tear it down and the scene that unfolded on the other side of the wall was more than I ever hoped it would be. I still have to walk step by step to this newly discovered place. But, there is no longer an obstacle in my way, nor encumbering my view. I feel so good about where I am going with this person. I cannot believe that I let the wall stay up so long, or even be built in the first place. I was hurting myself, and probably others, too. I have found that the unaware recipient of my recent forgiveness, is, at least in my perspective, behaving more like I have always hoped for. 

So, if there is someone in your life that you need to forgive, whether it is something that has been outright and deliberately hurtful, or something they don't even know they've done or are doing, I encourage you to take the steps to forgiveness. God tells us that we must forgive in order to be forgiven. How can we ask for something that we are not willing to give?

"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. But if you do not forgive , neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins." Mark 11:25-26 

1 comment:

TAMS said...

Oh my friend,

I am sobbing...not crying...sobbing. I am so happy and proud for you. Praise God!! Its been a long time coming, but it was all in Gods perfect plan and timing. Keep up the magnificent writing!! Hats off to you my friend!! There is freedom in forgiving. Oh yeh...and thats two blogs that we have with the same title ---great minds think alike!