September 8, 2010
I have said that we are to forgive when we are overtly hurt by others, but, how about when the offense is covert, or when the "offender" is even unaware of his crime? This had been the case with me for YEARS!!!!!! I had been holding on to something that I felt was done to me that I did not deserve. I know in my head that the perpetrator was completely unaware of his failing. It was a flaw in this person that I held them accountable for because I wanted them to be different that what they are. I wanted to be offered something other than what he was willing or able to give. I felt as though my relationship with this person was being held back, or blocked, by a brick wall. I had the impression that the brick wall was built by the malefactor. I let hurt and fear build up in my life and affect some of my other relationships, really important relationships. I also felt sad that my connection with the "wall builder" would never go to a place where I had hoped it could be.
It finally got to the point where I knew that I wanted to be released from the prison I had been held captive in for so long. I wanted it mostly because of the way it had begun to invade other areas of my life. I hit my knees, I did a lot of soul searching, I was loved, encouraged, and prayed for by the best friend anyone could ever hope to have and when I finally decided to forgive these "invisible" sins, God met me exactly where I was to tell me that I, too, had been released.
And you know what I discovered? I found out that I was the one who built the wall, no one else helped. It was all me. But, God helped me to tear it down and the scene that unfolded on the other side of the wall was more than I ever hoped it would be. I still have to walk step by step to this newly discovered place. But, there is no longer an obstacle in my way, nor encumbering my view. I feel so good about where I am going with this person. I cannot believe that I let the wall stay up so long, or even be built in the first place. I was hurting myself, and probably others, too. I have found that the unaware recipient of my recent forgiveness, is, at least in my perspective, behaving more like I have always hoped for.
So, if there is someone in your life that you need to forgive, whether it is something that has been outright and deliberately hurtful, or something they don't even know they've done or are doing, I encourage you to take the steps to forgiveness. God tells us that we must forgive in order to be forgiven. How can we ask for something that we are not willing to give?
"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. But if you do not forgive , neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins." Mark 11:25-26