Miss Congeniality?

January 11, 2011

This blog was originally started as a gift for my children.  The purpose was to have a diary of my thoughts and feelings in regards to our lives as they were growing up and, eventually, have it printed in book form for them to read and, hopefully, cherish forever. I want them to be able to understand somehow that every decision I made was with careful consideration and agony. I don't want them to think that I just breezed through their childhoods with little thought. I want them to come to an understanding that in those moments when things got hairy at our house, I had reasons behind the actions and consequences. I want them to know that everything I do is because I always want more FOR them. My goal is to raise them to be responsible, self-sufficient, Christ-loving human beings. I want them to know that I struggle hard each day to become a better person. I want them to learn that it is not always easy to do what is right and that sometimes, much is required of us, even when we have little to work with. And I want them to be able to finally see the bigger picture. The one that includes the motivations of a sometimes seemingly harsh and misunderstanding parent.

Those of you who are raising children know how H.A.R.D. it is! I never imagined there would be so many difficult and heart wrenching moments. Before I had children, I was very confident and I really thought that I had it all figured out. Anyway, fast forward to almost 12 years after my debut as a parent. I find myself no longer confident, but constantly second-guessing my decision making skills where my children are concerned. I desperately want them to know that everything I do is for them. I want them to know that I have agonized over every decision, every discussion, every punishment. I want them to know that I have taken this call as a parent seriously. I want them to know that I have loved each one of them the very best I possibly can and so much more than I love myself.

Why a blog? Why not just TELL them how much you love them? Why not TELL them how important they are? Well, I do. Often. We have heart to heart talks when I see trouble in their eyes. When I notice them having a difficult time managing their lives and emotions, I will pull them into my lap and smother them with kisses. I will often tell each one of them with 100% honesty that he/she is my favorite! I make sure they each know what it is that makes them special. They have heard me say over and over again that, if given the choice, I would ALWAYS choose them! What they don't see, is that I know how much it hurts when you're on the receiving end of a punishment, but, that the punishment is absolutely necessary in order to teach certain disciplines needed in life. They don't see that right now they have their parents to protect them and rescue them from trouble. One day, they will have to rely on what they've learned from us to take care of themselves, and hopefully, their own family. They don't see that I often use discipline to "head off" inevitable "complications". They aren't equipped with foresight or wisdom that comes from years of experience. I guess this blog is an attempt at some semblance of assurance that one day, They. Will. KNOW.

My job requires that I must often do things that make me not so popular. I am rarely in the running at my house for the "Miss Congeniality" award. I so want to be the one that they WANT to be with! I want to be "Mrs. Nice Guy".  Oh, how I would love to be the "fun" parent. My job is a full-time position that requires double over-time most days. It requires things from me that are often not very well-received. I'm not complaining. I work with some of the most awesome people on the PLANET! I just hate that  it seems that most of the time I am viewed as "The Enemy". But, the goal is that one day, they'll "get it". Until then, I will remain as diligent and committed as ever. And, hopefully, this blog will be proof to them that, even amid my many failures, I did the very best I could and I did it all because I love them!

"My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." Proverbs 3:11-12

"If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them." Proverbs 13:24

"Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't, you will ruin their lives." Proverbs 19:18

"Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it." Proverbs 22:6

"Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death." Proverbs 23:13-14

1 comment:

Tammy said...

Your doing an awesome job little momma...with your children and your blog!! :) I love you!