Our God Makes House Calls

January 23, 2011

If you can "read between the lines" of my blog, you have probably realized by now that I am in the midst of an "issue". Now, I am the only person involved in this "issue" that actually knows that there is an issue. Still with me? Good. Well, our pastor has been preaching a series at church called "Tongue Tied" and he's gone over several things that have been beneficial to me over the past few weeks. I have really been making an effort to Tame My Tongue lately. I've done a really good job, considering who I am and who I once was. Well, today, it is almost as if he dismissed every one else from the service and sat me down by myself to talk to me. (Has that ever happened to you?)

I had been trying to decide if I should discuss the "issue" with the other person who is involved in the relationship with me or just wait and see what happens. Well, today, my dear pastor told me that if we are to have a relationship with someone we are to relate to them. Which means we must relay information, thoughts, and feelings to them. (Yes, God, I was listening to you. I know you were talking to me. I heard.)

My feelings have been raw and re-injured several times over the past few months. The situation is volatile. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and my fear is, well actually, I know that if I address the issue, that is exactly what will happen~ and to no avail if history is any predictor of the future. So, I had decided that, at least for now, it was best that I not say anything at all! A dear friend of mine told me that I really needed to have something prepared to say if any questions should arise about what's been bothering me. (It's pretty easy to read my emotions. That can be a very bad thing.) Well, what do you think my dear pastor told me in our personal, one on one conversation church service today? He said that we are to rehearse what we are going to say so that we do the least amount of damage. (I'm paraphrasing here.) For the record~ I DON'T WANNA!!!!!  I don't want to think about what I want to say, I don't want to think about what I should not say, I don't want to think about what I should say! I just don't want to go there!

The reason that I have been so leery of approaching this "issue" is because this is not something new to this relationship. It has always been difficult. It has never in it's history been easy. It has always been a struggle for me. And, it's not a relationship that I can easily give up, nor am I sure that I want to. (It's complicated.)  Every battle, confrontation attempt at resolve has ended the same~ "that person" in tears with me as the villain. I just can't keep doing this. So, I am trying to keep my tongue "caged behind two rows of teeth" where it belongs because I'm not sure that I can be as respectful as I would like to be, or as I am expected to be. So, our relationship sits in near ruins and at a dead stand still.

Another friend of mine has a new favorite phrase~  "I love that He comes for me." (She blogs about it here.) Anyway, today, I felt blessed, sitting in church, knowing that my God "came for me". He sought me out to tell me that He is watching and that He knows what has been on my heart and mind.  And so, I will be praying for Him to work in me to resolve this. However He sees fit. And I will ponder the message and seek to figure out how to apply it in my life. I am so glad for the "house call".  It's really exhilarating and captivating and flattering to know that I am worth the visit to Him!

"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

"Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone." Colossians 4:6

"Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!" Proverbs 15:23

1 comment:

Savannah said...