31 Days {day 3}

October 3, 2013

my relationship with my husband

Can anyone say per-son-al?
But, I supposed that it's an important part of the story of our family.
After all, this blog was created for my children, 
and this post is no exception.

I met Daddy when I was a teenager. Fifteen.
He drove into my driveway in his big, loud truck.
{I think. It could have been a car. A camaro, maybe?}
You see, I was "dating" his friend and he was the "ride".
No need to go into details.
Obviously, things did not work out for me and the "friend".

Daddy & I were friends for a very long time.
Yes. Just friends.
Best friends.
I feel like this is a very important part of the story.
It's important to be friends first.
That's what we built everything else on.
When things got tough- 
and they did get tough- 
we had a really good foundation to hold us up.

Our friendship slowly grew into an attraction.
We dated for a while and then broke up.
After high school, Daddy decided that he was ready
to settle into something serious.
His thoughts turned to me and he set out to find me.
This was not an easy task because 
I had moved out of my parent's home and was living in a different city.
Remember, this was in the "olden days"- before cell phones.
Long story short, we began dating again immediately.
September 1, 1991.
A series of events that included the US Navy led us to marry in August of 1992.

And here we are.
Twenty-one years & four kids later.
We have had our fair share of ups & downs.
We battled being apart during naval deployments.
Then there were the years of infertility.
And there were all those years we lived like hell.
But we found Jesus. Or He found us.
It has not been picture perfect.
We have loved hard and fought harder.
There was a lot of growing up that had to be done.
Souls had to be searched and made right.
I can honestly say that I have loved him through it all.
I have not always liked him very much.
But the love has always been there.
And it has grown. And changed. And deepened.

Our marriage has it's issues- as they all do.
I never want my children to grow up thinking 
that a good marriage exists only within the context
of two people who always agree and do everything right.
Listen, we both mess up.
But we have learned to be good forgivers.

Our relationship is multifaceted.
We are parents.
We must stand together as a united front.
This is not always easy, but we do our best to navigate these waters carefully.
We are a couple.
This is the fun part for us.
It's nice to be Dana & Freddie.
That's when we get to be real people 
who get to have adult conversations with other adults.
And then there is Dana and there is Freddie- individuals.
Individuals who have interests apart from each other.
We have unique personalities, struggles, strengths, & weaknesses.
There are goals we would like to accomplish as a family,
those we have as a couple, 
and those that are personal.
They all coexist and somehow help the others along.

I am of the mentality that a wife should submit to her husband.
This is not a popular stand to take in today's liberal world.
If you will indulge me a moment I would like to elaborate.
I don't think of my husband as a ruler over me.
He is responsible for me,
much in the same way that we are responsible for our children.
I do not, in any means, consider myself his child.
I am his partner who has thoughts, ideas, solutions, and value.
But, when it comes down to it, 
I trust my husband to ultimately make the decisions for our family.
He in turn, listens to my opinions in consideration. 
Sometimes my opinions need to be louder than other times {wink, wink}.
I feel like it's more a matter of respect & trust than of authority.
I respect him as my husband- a smart man with our best interest at heart.
I trust that he will make the best decisions for his family.
And he is responsible for the consequences.
My role is to make our house a home.
I am the emotional caretaker of this family.
It's my job to make sure that everyone's heart is full 
and his to make sure everyone's bellies are full.
I keep the house running 
and it's his job to fund it.
I make him feel needed 
and he makes me feel beautiful. 

It took a long time to get to this place.
We both had so much growing up to do.
It has not been easy. 
But is has been worth it.

People love each other in different ways.
It's important to figure out what love looks like for each other- 
both how you give it & how you receive it.
I have learned that it's in everyone's best interest 
not to compare your marriage with anyone else's.
Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Daddy & I were made for each other.
God sent Daddy to love me when I didn't know how to love myself.
I honestly believe that this marriage was Planned 
long before either of us knew about it.
We are just really good for each other.
And as long as I am alive, there will never be anyone on this earth 
who loves him more than I do.

"Scarcely had I left them When I found him whom my soul loves;" Song of Solomon 3:4

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